Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Moms ARE Liars

Has anyone wondered why I named my blog Moms Are Liars?  Well, there's a very good explanation for it...

Simply put, moms ARE liars. We lie to our kids about Santa Claus and The Tooth Fairy. We lie to our child's pediatrician about their nutrition (does she really need to know my son loves dark chocolate and the marshmallows inside Lucky Charms cereal? No.) We lie to our partners about going to work, when in all actuality, we take random days off from work without telling anyone just to get some alone time. And yes, that last statement pertains to me.


So there. I'm a mom and I'm a liar.

Right now my son is 19 months old so he doesn't understand the concept of lying, but rest assured, I will have to lie to him about something at some point in the future. White lies, really, but lies nonetheless.

Back to my confession...

One two separate occasions, I have taken a day off from work to be alone. This was known to my supervisors, but not to my husband. On each of these Friday mornings, I dressed as if I were going to work and walked out the door without saying a single thing about my day off. Did I feel guilty about withholding the truth? Nope. Not one bit.

You see, finding time for myself is hard. I work a full-time job and take care of my son in the evenings. On the weekends, my husband, son and I spend quality time as a family. And I love that time, don't get me wrong, but little or no time is left for mommy. And believe it or not, mommy sometimes needs a break.

So...I get it whatever way I can. If that means taking days off and lying about it. Then so be it!

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Toilets & Toddlers


Toddlers love them! They love throwing their toys in them. They love flushing them. They even love splashing toilet water (yes, this has happened and no, there was no urine or feces at the time - thank goodness!)

Their fascination with toilets is quite amusing.

Recently, however, my son is less interested in what he can throw inside the toilet. He's more interested in what's on it: ME. What does that mean for me? It means that I can no longer go to the john in peace. I now have a companion every single time I go. When he sees me going in, he gears up, follows me in and sits right on my lap. Its almost as if he's on an amusement ride - he loves the thrill of being on my lap while I sit on the toilet.

Now, I know what you're thinking - how cute!!!  Ah, no.

Before my son learned how to walk the toilet was an escape - a mini vacation if you will. It was the place where I can go to be alone for at least 5 minutes. It was the place where I can play Candy Crush uninterrupted for 5 whole lives. It was the place where I can check my email and browse Instagram in peace.

The days of mini vacations are gone. Gone with the wind.

And while I have partially accepted this, my appreciation for toilets is much greater now than it ever was.

Monday, December 9, 2013

The Value of Sleep


All of us want it, but not all of us get it; especially if you are a new parent.

In this post I want to share with you the rage that came over my husband at 4 am a few days ago - all because he was in jeopardy of losing sleep.

We have two cats and it is undeniable that they have received a drastic cut in affection since our son was born. To say that they get neck scratchies twice a week is an exaggeration (we are terrible, I know).

I don't know if this is payback or what, but recently they've been acting up. The moment we are ready for bed and the baby is asleep, they start to either: a) meow to the top of their lungs or b) decide that its time to sprint up and down our stairs as if they were training for the cat Olympics.

A few days ago I heard my husband get out of bed at 4 am raging and pounding his feet on the floor like a lunatic. Usually I'm the lunatic, so this was concerning.  He was mumbling, cursing and not acting like the patient saint he normally is. It took me a few seconds to decipher what the hell was going on. It turned out that our cats were meowing so loudly that it woke him up. He knew that our son would wake up early and the fact that the cats broke his sleep at 4 am sent him on a rampage! A floor pounding, curse word rambling rampage!

Did he almost lose his marbles? Yes. Yes, he did.

Do we value sleep? Yes. Yes, we do.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013



My very first blog post -- what an accomplishment!

Welcome, everyone! And by everyone I mean my husband who is currently the only person from the human race reading my blog.

This is a humor blog; it is NOT to be used as a guide to motherhood. It's sole purpose is to evoke a laugh (or chuckle) out of its readers.

Follow me on Twitter: @taniaguardia